Relationship Advice in Times of Stress

“Will your marriage survive the coronavirus? “  

That was a CNN headline I read and I also read a statistic that divorce rates in China have soared with the virus emerging.   The stay home or shelter in place mandate has us spending much more time together, and that, combined with the stress of possible illness, financial stress and loneliness is taking its toll on each and every one of us.  

Here are some suggestions that may help:

1. Don't feel obligated to spend every moment together. Have separate work spaces.  Continue and expand your solo activities like DIY home projects, exercising,needlework or video games.
   
2. Remember that no relationship is blissful every day.  It is normal to get on each other's nerves when we have too much together time.  Make a pact to be patient and kind with each other.  
   
3. Don't expect your partner to entertain you or give you constant attention. 
   
4. Manage your expectations. Now that you are both home do you expect domestic tasks to be equally shared?  Talk it out and work out a fair schedule.  
   
5. Help each other  whenever possible, especially if one partner is struggling. Brainstorm, share advice and just be a good sounding  board and listener.
   
6. Work out your value system.  What is important to each of you during this difficult time?   Is it money, health, safety or family?  Try not to judge.  We each have a history and baggage that influences our needs during a crisis..
   
7. It’s easy to overreact to little annoyances when you're stressed.  Try to step back and gain some perspective.  What is important to you?  Does it really matter if something is out of place or your partner empties the dishwasher differently than you? 
   
8. Is there a bigger problem or worry behind the behaviour being displayed?  Maybe it is time for a heart-to-heart, can you use this time to improve your communication and resolve issues you have let fester.   Maybe  financial pressure is the underlying stress but it is being displayed as nagging about chores.  
   
9. Read the book, the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.  Read my previous blog regarding this book. 
   
10. Learn methods to cope with the stress as stress influences the way we relate to others. Do I hear meditation, yoga, or savasana? 
    
11. Numbing the pain or fear using food, alcohol or drugs is not a good long term solution and can seriously damage your relationships with others. 
    
12. Remember, this too shall pass and you do have the strength to survive each challenge thrown at you.  I have faith in you.  
    

Take this time of togetherness to grow your relationship and help each other.. Some of the best advice a therapist gave me once was “just be nice”.  A little ‘niceness’ goes a long way and can change the trajectory of your life.  



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